I have a dream.

Let us reflect on the state of domestic pet-ownership in the current day and age.

As it is, cats have all the traits of the perfect human companion: an attractive, mostly self-sufficient being who only really depends on you to give them food/water and clean their excrement basket. Apart from that last thing, who wouldn’t want that kind of control over someone? At our most base instincts, we have an innate desire to have control over something or someone other than ourselves, and even though you can’t control if a cat comes to you or not, you sure as hell can control whether they eat today or not. (Disclaimer: I do NOT endorse withholding food from your cat/pet to exert some sort of need for power on it. What are you, some sort of  power-wanter person? Dick.)

Now, take that ballooned sense of control and apply it to a platypus. You think a platypus gives a shit about your power? Platypus spits at your power (if they could spit I swear they would)! Platypus’ (platypi?) are 100% self-sufficient, and wouldn’t have survived in nature as long as they have if they weren’t so none of you biology majors try to prove me wrong (I looked it up on wikipedia, IT’S RIGHT GUYS). Now, there’s a reason us bi-pedals haven’t quite gotten the hang of domesticating a platypus, and that’s maybe probably only partly due to the sharp, poisonous barbs they secretly have. It’s like a puppy that could secretly shank you whenever it wants, just because it can. You think you can control that? Good luck getting ghetto-stabbed by a furry duck. 

Cold. Calculating. Deadly.

Obviously what you’ve all been thinking is, “I want a platypus...but I also want a cat...TREVOR MY LIFE MAKES NO SENSE PLEASE HELP!”, to which I say, fear not rhetorical pet-lover! I alone understand that platypus’ and cats must be combined into one creature.  I understand the need for a creature of this evolutionary-calibur, and that despite the fact that it’s combination of poisonus barbs and sharp claws would probably make it viable to over-take lions as “best predator forever”, this creature would make an amazing companion. Little children would marvel at it’s awkward duck bill and furry feline good-looks, and adults will be pleased with the fact that they won’t need to entertain their children for at least a week. In response to everyone fearing that this biological disaster marvel won’t happen, fear not! For I, your local blogger, will donate the total amount of money I make in the next 2 years to research trying to find an ethical, practical way to physically combine a platypus and a cat into a catypus. If at least 3 and a half people join me in this endeavor, I believe a difference can be made.

"In a perfect world, this great nation's mascot would definitely be a catypus."

-George Washington

The nation demands it science. Make it so.